Feel, Felt, Found

being invisible

2010-09-12T08:29:00.000-07:00

As my ex- husband deserted me after 32 years of marriage and the last of four children left, I felt like everyone flew the coup or nest at once. I of course felt rejected by my ex. I continue to. We didnt argue too much before the divorce, I was too much in shock and he very contemplative; now we have post divorce misunderstandings (read alimony amount) three years later. He doesnt talk to me. It is what I call writing a person out of the book of life. He's moved on, married his mistress. Our young adult children each deal with the divorce in as many different ways as their are different in personalty, not all healthy. Then this past year, three of our four got married in six months, the outstanding one already married with two children. I started to feel what the below video so eloquently puts, feeling the invisibility stronger now more than ever. I felt unappreciated and very hurt by the sacrifices I was making for the kids and their weddings, yet the kindnesses and care wasnt recipicated. I thought I had raised them better. Oh I forgive them, that's what moms do; loves her children no matter what. Sometimes I hear the apologies in their tones without them saying the words, I hear them hurting, struggling, confused without them expressing it. A dear friend sent me the following, reminding me of what I already knew all those years raising the kids, called into ministry, just being a woman.

http://mail.aol.com/32644-111/affinity-6/en-us/mail/get-attachment.aspx?uid=40078463&folder=Inbox&partId=3&saveAs=TheInvisibleWoman.wmv

Church volunteers: an oxymoran

2010-07-21T07:53:00.000-07:00

Following is my response to a provoking blog by Michele Van Loon on the Her.Meneutics.com (http://blog.christianitytoday.com/women/2010/07/church_volunteers_an_oxymoron.html):

Well put! I served (volunteered) at my church for a majority of my life and found, that event though I walked my talked to His glory, I wasnt always found credible in the eyes of the paid staff. Over and over again, in transitioning to a new ministry, I felt like I had to prove myself again to gain trust to accomplish the task. I felt more than equipped to do the ministry God called me to do at the time. I felt invigorated, passionate, excite...however my perception was I hadnt gained the confidence of my church colleagues (paid and unpaid) of the given staff people. Fortunately God Blesses me with some of the same fellow believers (majority unpaid and the pastor's support) who walk along side me in different ministries, some done previously under the auspices of a volunteer.

I decided to get credentialed within the church (read undergraduate and masters degree) because as I get older I realized I didnt have the luxury of 2 to 5 years to prove myself in any given position of service each time. I thought if I was credential in ministry that I could down on that 2 to 5 year acceptance period. I'm not getting any younger. I serve at my church (the same one which I previously volunteered) now as paid staff. The transition the staff has from viewing me as an unpaid to paid (except for the pastor) has been difficult. I serve in an average size church (250 attendees) and my salary is more benevolent than financially sustaining. This career I have been called to is faith based in more ways than one.

I specialize in outreach events and in spiritual gifts, conducting such SG inventories as part of my job. I try to help other believers find their perfect fit in the body. I understand the consequences of burn out and guilting people into lay ministry positions. I do not like the using the word "assimilate" found in such inventories in regards to assisting people in find a place of service in the church. My current word of choice for such is to harmonize and even that doesnt quite describe a persons place in the body of the church.

I realize if God calls you to do something, you dont have necessarily be academically credentialed. He will equip the called. But the analogy made between blue (unpaid/volunteers) and white (paid/staff) workers in the church is very accurate in terms of how that person is treated. With god's grace and mercy, my prayer is that the church body will realize the body of the church is not like the business organizations of the secular world.

The Ben's toast off

2010-05-25T06:52:00.000-07:00

Rehearsal Wedding toast

The Day after your wedding is the first day of Spring, a wonderful day to begin as husband and wife.

A day representing a new beginning, a new chapter in your life and the close of a chapter for us your parents.

Jen I love you and you have exceeded my prayers all these years said for Buck for his mate.

B, like your signature block: Life is an open book, dont close it till its over, now you two are the authors.

May the Lord bless you and keep you, Shine His countenance on you and give you His peace.

May the best of your yesterdays be the worse of your tomorrows.

May what you wish for be the least of what you get.

May you never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.

May you be friends as lovers can and may you love each other as only best friends can.

Riley and Grandpa

2010-05-02T12:05:00.000-07:00

"Riley and I had spent the day together watching a cartoon moving in the morning and then went to the Cog Railway in Colorado Springs to take the train up to Pikes Peak. I purchased box lunches to eat on the train, which of course included a prize in his. As we were climbing the mountain, I got a pair of binoculars from my pack and gave them to Riley to use on the ride. I told him he could take them home and keep them when the ride was over. I had also brought a large package of M&M's which were sparingly distributed a few at a time during the trip. A some point during the ride, Riley turned to me and said, "Grandpa, when I grow up, I want to be a Grandpa." told by Grandpa Jerry P.

God always provides....

Security

2010-03-24T17:18:00.000-07:00

Security can only be achieved through constant change, through discarding old ideas that have outlived their usefulness and adapting others to current facts. William Douglas

the Trinity

2010-03-24T17:16:00.000-07:00

For me, when I pray I like to visualize the Triune God.

God as my Abba Father
Jesus as Lord, Savior and healer
and the Holy Spirit who husbands me

We are Indispensable as family

2010-02-24T08:47:00.000-08:00

"No one is indispensable or irreplaceable at work... Anyone from the lowliest yardworker to the highest executive, could easily be replaced and few tears would be shed. The most important position in the U.S. - the presidency - is rotated every four years with little mourning. But try replacing a son or daughter, a mother or father, a husband or wife without grave psychological damage. For it's in our homes that we are needed; it's to our family that we are important." -- W. Peter Blitchington

being desperate for a husband

2010-02-10T07:55:00.000-08:00

Yes this is one of those forwards but is alittle too true and funny! cat

INSTALLING A HUSBAND
Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed, Desperate.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
DEAR DESPERATE,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.HTML, try to download Tears 6.2, and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If those applications work as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0-program. This is an unsupported application and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck!
Tech Support

christmas 2009 letter

2009-12-28T16:31:00.000-08:00

Dearest Family and Friends

This year is ending on a much better note compared to its beginning with much celebratory anticipation for 2010. We had a white Christmas this year.

My mother, who moved in with me in the Fall of 2008 for caregiving, and I made a move by March to a newer home that was more accommodating for her although it was difficult to move from the family home after 17 years. It was, however, good therapy for me to go through the accumulation of stuff acquired. As time progressed in the new home, which is big enough to accommodate some overnight family and friends, mother’s aged condition declined such that I ended up placing her in a nursing home about 3 miles away. She’s not thrilled with the idea but she is safer and receives good care. Not to mention I’m not as worried about her as much when I’m not by her side.

E and L (and grandbabies visited the first of June) which was loads of fun. L got engaged to TC at the time. L plans to marry June 19, 2010 in Leavenworth. After her engagement, she then set off for the summer to Nantucket to perform opera “light” summer stock productions. Then B safely returned from Iraq (woo hoo!) in September and his nuptials are full speed ahead for March 20, 2010 to JT. That wedding is in Northern Virginia. B came out for a quick visit in early November to see me. He is currently job hunting after his tour of duty and is going to finish off his degree. And believe it or not, one more wedding may occur between D and AKr, long time college sweeties! D works with the ROTC cadre at Missouri State for the time being mainly in charge of the PT programs. No wedding date set but I think it may be in the fall so that could mean 3 weddings but only one I have to contend (L's) with in greater detail! How exciting to get three more bonus kids out of the deal along with E's husband T. What’s great is I love them all. We celebrated D's engagement with a small intimate party on Dec. 23 in Leavenworth. E’s family will come in this holiday season for a three day stay then are off to Des Moines to spend Christmas Day with her in-laws. L came home December 15 from NYC for winter school break. It’s always good to have my chicks under the roof again, not to mention the growing grandbabies, even if it is a little wild and crazy!

I now work as the Director of Christian Outreach for my church since finishing my internship and studies. Still have a bit more to go to complete my M.A. in same field of study. I should get certified/credentialed from the church at large after the first of the year which “rosters” me as a commissioned minister. Along with continually coordinating the annual Christmas Market for the church/school plus a few other events in outreach, I have taken on another aspect of my job which is managing Kids Connection, an afterschool mentoring program for high risk elementary kids. I love it and am greatly blessed with the 22 some kids (not necessarily the same ones daily) who walk through our open doors and the volunteers that donate their time to help. I love my church family for all their prayers and support in church’s ministries and over all in my personal life. It’s how the church family is meant to be!

Well I have stepped out this year and started dating, it is as awful and funny as you can imagine at my age. However after a few months, I met someone: M, who is wonderfully delightful and a keeper. He’s of Jewish descent so I encouraged we celebrate Hanukkah together this year (8 crazy nights of presents!). Seriously, it’s been enjoyable/interesting getting in touch with my Jewish roots. I look forward to our developing relationship in the coming year.

As always, I hope this finds you happy, healthy and well. I love labeling each envelope with names/addresses, praying over them for a memorable Christmas and Happy New Year!

About death

2009-09-13T03:07:00.000-07:00

What is Death?

Death is nothing at all (the sting is gone).
I have only slipped away into the next room.
(As always) I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other, that we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no difference in your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, (remember) me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without affect, without the trace of a shadow on it.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same that it ever was.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you , for an interval, somewhere very near, just around the corner.
All is well.

adapted from Henry Scott Holland
(1847-1918)
Canon of St. Paul's Cathedral

and then

You can shed tears that I am gone,
or you can smile because I lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that I'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all I left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see me,
or you can be full of the love we shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember me only that I am gone,
or you can cherish my memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what I would want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

to be thankful

2009-08-31T17:26:00.000-07:00

We can indeed make our sorrows, just as much as our joys, part of the celebration of life in the deep realization that life and death are not opponents but do, in fact, kiss each other at every moment of our existence. When we are born we become free to breathe on our own but lose the safety of our mothes bodies; when we go to school we are free to join a greater society but lose a particular place in our families; when we marry we find a new partner but lose the special tie we had with our parents; when we find work we win our independence by making our own money but lose the stimulation of teachers and fellow students; when we receive children we discover a new world but lose much of our freedom to move; when we are promoted we become more important in the eyes of others but lose the chance to take many risks; when we retire we finally have the chance to do what we wanted but lose the support of being wanted. When we have been able to celebrate life in all these decisive moments where gaining and losing - that is life and death - touched each other all the time, we will be able to celebrate even our own dying because we have learned from life that the one who loses it (to Christ) finds it (Mt 16:25)

- Henri J. M. Nouwen from In Ministry and Spirtuality

why I love the farmer!

2009-08-04T09:32:00.000-07:00

Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong

Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.

Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.

Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.

Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.

Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.

Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.

It don't take a very big person to carry a gurdge.

You cannot unsay a cruel word.

Every path has a few puddles.

When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty. Besides pigs don't know pigs stink.

The best sermons are lived, not preached.

Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.

Don't judge folks by their relatives.

Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back,

you'll enjoy it a second time.

Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

The biggest toublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with watches you from the mirror every morning'.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

Good judgement comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin it back in.

If you get to thinkin you're a person of some influence, try orderin somebody else's dog around.

Live simply, Love generously. Care deeply.

Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.

Do I mind getting older?

2009-07-21T11:06:00.000-07:00

(A friend sent me a forward early one morning that was a real feel good. Here’s my personalize version of it.)

I would never trade the amazing friends I've come to see in recent years, my life, or my great kids for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I’m learning to become kinder to myself, and even less critical of myself. I’m learning to become my own friend since the empty nest. I don't chide myself for drinking that second glass of wine, or for not making my bed, or for buying another pair of red shoes that I don’t need. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant. I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon sometimes by death sometimes mentally; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM then slip a nap in later in the day? And if I want I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60 &70's, sing (really bad) out loud, zip around a little too fast on country roads in my mini cooper with the music playing so loud that it's beat bounces against my body that sits on heated seats with the A.C. blowing and if I am so move, late at night cry over lost love or imagined love or love never given a chance to grow ... then I will.

I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over my body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the youthful or judging people.

They, too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things. I have become both near and far sighted, but then I don’t want to see everything so succinctly as I once did. The flaws aren't so obvious anymore. If I'm conservative now it is because I have something to conserve.

Over the years my heart has been broken and then patched back together. How can your heart not break when you lose a father, or a very young brother, or when any child suffers, or the love of your life walks away, or when your kid greatly disappoints you by taking the easy way out or even when a beloved pet dies? And I would miss the joy of love with all its twitter-patted-ness. So I continue to risk love, hoping again. Broken hearts are what give us strength, understanding, empathy and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine, sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect. Nor experience mercy and grace.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turn gray (making the right chemical choice between either going natural and not coloring it or use chemicals to make my fine hair bend). I have lived just long enough to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face along side those from chronic physical pain that I manage. So many have never laughed or won't, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver, or tinsel (like that hung on the Christmas tree) as my young friend says.

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You learn to care less about what other people think. Or if the grandbabies are being spoiled. Or bratty.

I’m learning not to question myself so much anymore, trusting my gut more.

I've even earned the right to be wrong. To be too generous.

Lest you think I am being too much of a romantic about this, I'll let you know I watch the effects of agedness every day in my mother, who lives with me for assisted care. She is 84 and declining mentally. I work at keeping her pain free and healthy. We aren't particularly close, never were. Nor are we demonstrative in our affections. She prefers my home to a community nursing center. She wants to die but her body won't give up on her. I'm not sure how much she is retaining as depression is her constant companion. That and tv. And I'm not sure how long I can keep her in my home safely? So I just give her all the best of my material possessions as I can and find the best care we can afford. It doesn't frighten me to watch her decline just have the feeling of helplessness when I can't fix her aging body. I once thought she isn't a very life giving person to be around but she really is in her way, if not by contrast. I appreciate life now more than ever watching what could come at the end of my own. Its just like I did in my younger years making alternative choices in raising the family I birthed then what I experienced in the family I born. Meanwhile I am taking some preventive measures like exercising my body, mind and spirit more; trying to seize and live in the moment yet within the confines I find myself by caring for her. And hope someone cares for me when it's my time. If not, I probably won't notice anyhow in my advanced agedness! And then there is the hope of Heaven just around the corner.

So, to answer the question, I like getting older. It’s setting me free. I like the person I am becoming outside of that being a daughter, sister, mother, nana and once wife. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting for too long what could have been. I will continue to whittle down my worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day (if I feel like it) sometimes before the entree like I let my kids do when they were young as part of our vacations.

His Kingdom Come

2009-07-15T09:42:00.000-07:00

In the early church service last Sunday, it was dark and stormy outside thanks to the forcast of thunder and lightening. Well the power went out during the service while we were singing one of the litany hymn of praises. It’s a weekly Sunday event to sing such during the early more liturgical service as opposed to the more praise service at 10:30. I go to both services (my calling is to serve in the church so I attend both services and then some). Anyway those of us in the pews, without benefit of a choir, continued to sing it acapella. It was a goosebump moment where I really felt His presence.

It also reminded me of the Kingdom of God, here and now, and what I have come to discover about it lately. For me His Kingdom is not a future hope but a present reality, in Him the order of forward looking hope yielded to a new order, reflecting “redemption accomplished.”

It is enjoying miracles of tomorrow today. It encompasses those good things Jesus provides: identity, forgiveness of sins, peace of mind, a righteousness that alone provides access to God and his loving relationship, the indwelling Spirit, a purpose of life, victory over sin, resurrection, hope, and eternal life. The Kingdom is in consummation today.

“Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth (thanks to the Lord Jesus) as it is in heaven”. Christ inaugurated the Kingdom - all unity is in Him. It is both present and promise. He is both transcendent and imminent. The Kingdom is devoid of all dimensions of outward glory. It’s a hidden-ness of God working in the hearts of people, scattered throughout the world of time and space. Within and beyond history, both God’s gift to me along with the task to share it even as I wait for His return. If our eyes and ears are open however, we see God everywhere in his creation.

In the meanwhile, we are in the world but not of it (Jn 15:18). As humans we live here, of course, as flesh and not spirit. But we don't have to live in the world the way the world dictates. We can live in the Kingdom of God. That is easier said than done because we are human and flesh; and the world's/culture's ways are so subtle/gradual that we don't even know when it has seeped inside us then all of a sudden we are living submissively in the world, messing up. The paradox is we are supposed to live wherever it is we are placed on this earth, to live at a higher standard as believers. As tempting as it is we can’t sequester away from the other lower kingdom (life here on earth) that many mistakenly think reigns. We have to live from the inside out, not let the outside influences whats direction our inward action.

Part of the excitement of living in His Kingdom is to develop an eye to watch his hand in life; to experience miracles when we attune our self to watching for them. Henry Nouwen, in his book “Reaching Out”, speaks to coming to the joy of solitude vs reflecting on aloneness as loneliness (remember I mention wanting to sequester away from the evils of the world). He goes on to say that when in solitude of the heart,the inner quality or attitude that isn’t defined by physical isolation, but instead it’s the finding of the innermost self, we are better equipped to embrace the hostilities of the world, be more hospitable to those in need and who are hurting. I’m in the process of trying to grasp this concept as I struggle with becoming overly passionate with the needy and hurt, not able to separate myself from it such that it weighs me down. Recently, I have been blessed, if in a small way, not to carry those hardships I see outside my personal world, sometimes adding them to my own personal ones, now instead lifting them up more in prayer.

The Kingdom has come (where I want to live now) thy will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven. In God’s perfect time, His people are blessed with a renewal and refreshment.

Not losing yourself in someone else

2009-07-09T03:50:00.000-07:00

Kahlil Gibran writes:

Sing and dance together and be joyous,

but let each one of you be alone.

Even in the strings of a lute are alone

though they quiver with the same music.

Stand together yet not too near together

for the pillars of the temple stand apart,

and the oak tree and the cypress

grow not in each other' shadow.

Rules from a Texas Gentleman

2009-07-07T03:13:00.000-07:00

By Lyle Lovett

Stand when she walks in, keep your hand out of her purse and, for the love of God, be humble. Some tips from Lyle Lovett — a man who knows what he's talking about.

The first rule of manhood is that they are in charge. Give it up. Realize they're smarter and better looking. We don't have a chance. You have to do everything you can to help yourself.
A woman comes to a table and you're supposed to get up. Period. But I don't always do it. In general, you're supposed to do it every time. But sometimes you're seated against the wall and it's awkward.

Never guess a woman's age. Never guess a woman's weight. Never even talk about weight in front of a woman. And never, ever ask a woman when she's due.

Tipping your hat to a lady is good form. If you're at a dinner table, you'd most certainly take your hat off — cowboy hat, baseball hat, or otherwise.

Women always go through the door first. Even ardent feminists would admit it's nice. It's not an acknowledgment of women as the weaker sex; it's perhaps an acknowledgment of women as the stronger sex. We follow.

Never pass a woman a single roll, even if she says, "Don't pass them all over." Don't do it. Bring her the whole basket. Some things are a trick. I can hear the phone conversation later on with a girlfriend, "I asked him to pass a single roll. And he did!" It's a trap.

There's etiquette to listening: If they're talking, shut up. Just shut up. Simple enough?
In our modern world, what constitutes a thank-you note? Being able to dash off a text message has enabled me to be more immediate and less guilty. I believe the old adage that the sooner you write a thank-you note, the less you need to write. I realize that among real sticklers for manners, e-mails and texts would be verboten, but I think they can convey genuine sentiment.
Never look in a woman's purse — invited or uninvited. Especially invited. Just refuse. Bring her her purse, don't fish around in there. We don't know what's in there, and we don't want to know.
Who are these guys that order for women? Never order for a woman. You're going to tell a woman what to eat? Never tell a woman anything. Ask. And be grateful for whatever reply you might get.

The idea is that you'd be like Cary Grant or George Clooney, in a graceful ballet of walking down the street, opening the door, and ushering a young lady into a limousine. But I'm really more like Maxwell Smart. I was opening a door for my fiancée today and I stepped on the back of her shoe and almost knocked her over. It happens a lot.—As told to Andy Langer

Catnote: No wonder Julie Roberts feel in love with him!

The Code of A Retrosexual

2009-06-25T05:25:00.000-07:00

OK folks, I have had it. I've taken all I can stand and I can't stand no more. Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is effeminate men prancing about, redecorating houses and talking about foreign concepts like "style" and "feng shui." Heterosexual, homo-sexual, bisexual, transsexual, metrosexual, non-sexual; blue, green, and purple-sexual - bogusdefinitions have taken over the urban and suburban world!

Real men of the world if you must, stand up, scratch your butts, belch, and yell ENOUGH!"

I hereby announce the start of a new offensive in the culture wars, the Retrosexual movement.

No matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE.

A Retrosexual opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female.

A Retrosexual DEALS with IT, be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT.

A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.

A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, God bless you!

A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff.

Retrosexuals need an endcap (possibly 2 endcaps if you include shavinggoods).

A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30 years old.

A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff if need be. This falls under the "Dealing with IT" portion of The Code.

A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the title.

A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on national TV.

A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for women.

Some is inevitable, but major reinvention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a frou-frou, and in the long run, she ain't worth it.

A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak tree chipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city, favorite bird dog expiring, etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT. When you screwed up, he DEALT with you.

A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey. A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie - and ONLY a Windsor knot.

A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting. A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can - or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you be.

A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that you are riddled with fear; guns are TOOLS and are often essential. Plus it's just plain fun to shoot. Crying. There are very few reason that a Retrosexual may cry, and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is yelling or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Retrosexual can cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet (fish do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part. A Retrosexual man's favorite movie isn't "Maid in Manhattan" (unless or "Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood." Acceptable ones may include any sports inspiriational movie, war movies when the good guys win. etc.etc.

He ain't afraid to read. He believes in something bigger than himself. He'll buy a card from time to time.

When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train, and a pregnant woman, hell, any woman gets on, that Retrosexual stands up and offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so-called men still in their seats with a disgusted "you punks" look on his face.

A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any women but any elderly person or person in military dress (except officers above 2nd Lt) NOTE: The person in military dress may turn down the offer but the Retrosexual man will ALWAYS make the offer to them and thank them for serving their country.

A Retrosexual knows how to say the Pledge properly, and with the correct emphasis and pronunciation. He also knows the words to the Star Spangled Banner. He knows when to take his hat off.

A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they offset the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married/engaged in a serious healthy relationship - i.e., hunting, fishing, boxing, shot putting, shooting, cigars, car maintenance.

A Retrosexual knows how to sharpen his own knives and kitchen utensils.

A Retrosexual man can drive in snow (hell, a blizzard) without sliding all over or driving under 20 mph, without anxiety, and without high-centering his ride on a plow berm.

A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants. Wherever it lands is where he damn well wanted it to land. He can build a fire.

A Retrosexual man doesn't need a contract -- a handshake is good enough. He will always stand by his word even if circumstances change or the otherperson deceived him.

A Retrosexual man doesn't immediately look to sue someone when he does something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in the process of doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT.

Cat note: I am unabashedly attractive to this man, where ever he is.

Seventeen Minutes

2009-06-25T05:20:00.000-07:00

By Andree Seu
It's the thoughts—ordinary, daily thoughts—that count

These are the thoughts of a woman driving home from the Stop 'N Shop on an ordinary day.
She conjures three comebacks she could've hurled at Ellen if she had not been caught off guard.

She spots the baby shower invitation on the dashboard and schemes a way to be out of town that weekend—then thinks better of it because she has a favor to ask the sender at a later date. She sizes up a woman standing at the bus stop—and judges her.

She stews over a comment her brother made behind her back, and crafts a letter telling him off—and sounding righteous in the process.

She reviews the morning's argument with her husband, and plans the evening installment.

She imagines how life would have been if she had married X (a well-worn furrow, this).

She magnanimously lets a car merge into traffic, and then is ticked off when she doesn't get her wave.

She resolves to eat less chocolate starting today—well, tomorrow.

She replays memory tapes going back to the '60s, trying to change the endings. Somebody rides up the road shoulder and budges to the head of a traffic jam, and she hates the driver with a perfect hatred.

She passes the house of the contractor who defrauded her and fantasizes blowing it to smithereens.

She passes Audrey working in her garden and waves—but thinks, "If Audrey has chronic fatigue syndrome, I'm a flying Wallenda."She glares at a driver who runs a red light in front of her, forgetting that she did the same about a mile ago.

She checks her slightly crooked nose compulsively in the rearview mirror, and reassures herself it isn't too bad. An inner voice tells her to turn off the radio and pray, but she decides that's the voice of legalism.She brainstorms talking points for her upcoming woman's Bible study lecture on "Ephesians" and considers how she can improve it—and make it better than Alice's talk of last week.

She is angry at God because here she is a Christian and broke, while her good-for-nothing heathen of a brother is rolling in dough. She thinks how much better her life would be if she were beautiful, and fantasizes all the bungee-jumping, maggot pizza–eating "fear factor" stunts she'd be willing to subject herself to to look like Gwyneth Paltrow.

She wonders how her parents will divvy up the inheritance—and how long she has to wait. She rehearses two good reasons why her sister and not she should take care of the folks when they're too old. She thinks about her childhood and counts the ways her parents have screwed up her life.

The Johnsons drive by, and she recalls all the meals she made for them 10 years ago when Lydia had toxemia during pregnancy, and bets they don't even remember. Hmm, did they even send a thank-you card?

The word treachery flashes through her mind (Mr. Beaver's succinct epithet for Edmund in The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe) but leaves no footprints.

An SUV cuts her off, and she decides to punish it by tailgating.

Her heart smites her for this. So she determines to try harder to live righteously from now on. Who knows, God may reward her in some amazing way: Her husband may give her grounds for divorce, and God will lead her to the arms of Mr. Right.

She tries to pray but doesn't get past "Our Father."There are lots of other people that the woman does not think of while driving home with groceries, people who are not important to her social status, or just not interesting.

She doesn't think about AIDS-ravaged Africa, she doesn't think about the death sentence dangling over millions in Sudan, she doesn't think about missionaries, she doesn't think about martyrs in Kim Jong-il's prisons, she doesn't think about ways she could encourage her children.

She pulls into her driveway.

Total driving time: 17 minutes.And if you were to ask the lady, as she rustles parcels from the car, what she has been thinking about on the drive from town, she would say, "Oh, nothing in particular." And she would not be lying.

Imagine believing that we don't need a Savior.

When I say I'm a Christian

2009-06-25T05:17:00.000-07:00

by Maya Angelou

"A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her."

When I say... "I am a Christian" I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'" I'm whispering "I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven."

When I say... "I am a Christian" I don't speak of this with pride. I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... "I am a Christian" I'm not trying to be strong. I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.

When I say... "I am a Christian" I'm not bragging of success.

I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.

When I say... "I am a Christian" I'm not claiming to be perfect, My flaws are far too visible but, God believes I am worth it

When I say... "I am a Christian" I still feel the sting of pain.. I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.

When I say... "I am a Christian" I'm not holier than thou, I'm just a simple sinner Who received God's good grace, somehow!

This life

2009-06-25T05:12:00.000-07:00

This life therefore is not righteousness but growth in righteousness
Not health but healing
Not being but becoming
Not rest but exercise
We are not yet what we shall be But we are growing toward it
The process is not yet finished but it is going on
This is not the end, but it is the road
all does not yet gleam in glory but all is being purified-

Martin Luther

Midlife

2009-06-25T04:58:00.000-07:00

Menopause for men and women

Menopause is a developmental milestone — like puberty in reverse — and it’s different for every one. Once you reach menopause, life can get simpler. If you learn from it.

The secret no one tells you in this youth obesessed society is that midlife can be the most radiant, passionate years of your life. Self-knowledge and self-confidence are the true gifts of menopause — they create an inner glow that more than cancels out other physical changes. One once described it as finally owning her skin after years of struggling to pay rent.

You may be asking: what about aging, wrinkles and weight gain? What about becoming metaphorically invisible? Surely there must be something backing up those dried-up menopause clichés. After all, if menopause is so great how come there’s so much bad press? Well, it’s a fact that everyone gets older every day and this comes with some inevitable physical changes — it’s a price we all pay for getting to stick around. Gravity does exert its pull — but menopause is not the wicked witch. She does not drain any vital function nor turn you old, weak, crotchety, or unattractive with a wave of her wand. We do that to ourselves by buying into a prepackaged idea of what being older (and younger) means. It’s time to retire that tired old stereotype of the post-menopausal and take a good look at the realpeople who are living it.

Stamping out the stigma of menopause Lauren Bacall once said during midlife “I am not a has-been, I’m a will-be.”

Cat note: A plus: I struggled all my life with a few extra pounds, never losing them...I'm kind of a full figured gal. Going through the menopause I actually am losing weight. A friend of one of my beautiful daughters theorizes that because our body is changing it stands to reason that weight gain or loss could be part of the phsyical changing depending on how your hormonal/physical make up was before menopause.

I know men do not techncally go through menopause. Its a condition called andropause due to the decline in male hormones. Men definitely go through a change a midlife as well, however.

Christmas

2009-06-25T04:47:00.000-07:00

Cat note: I love Christmas. I have a tree up year around in my home. I start celebrating Christmas beginning on Thanksgiving and ending on Jan 6 which is Epiphany . I coordinate an annual Christmas Market for my church as an outreach and fundraiser. Here is a favorite one of many topics on the subject.

Letter From Jesus Christ, concerning His birthdaycelebration.

It has come to my attention that many of you are upsetthat folks are taking My name out of the season. Maybeyou've forgotten that I wasn't actually born during this time of the year and that it was some of your predecessors who decided to celebrate My birthday on what was actually a time of pagan festival.

Although I do appreciate being remembered anytime. How I personally feel about this celebration can probably be most easily understood by those of you whohave been blessed with children of your own. I don't care what you call the day. If you want to celebrate My birth just, GET ALONG TOGETHER AND LOVE ONE ANOTHER.

Now, having said that let Me continue: If it bothers you that the town in which you live doesn't allow a scene depicting My birth, then just get rid of a couple of Santa's and snowmen and put in a small Nativity scene on your own front lawn.

If all My followers did that there wouldn't be any need for sucha scene on the town square because there would bemany of them all around town. Stop worrying about the fact that people are calling the tree a holiday tree, instead of a Christmas tree. It was I who made all trees. You can & may remember Mean time you see any tree. Decorate a grape vine if you wish: I actually spoke of that one in a teaching explaining who I am in relation to you & what each of our tasks are. If you have forgotten that one, look up John 15: 1-8.

If you want to give Me a present in remembrance of My birth here is my wish list. Choose something from it.
1. Instead of writing protest letters objecting tothe way My birthday is being celebrated, write letters of love and hope to soldiers away from home. They are terribly afraid and lonely this time of year. I know, they tellMe all the time.
2. Visit someone in a nursing home. You don't have to know them personally. They just need to know that someone cares about them.
3. Instead of writing George complaining about the wording on the cards his staff sent out this year, why don't you write and tell him that you'll be praying forhim and his family this year. Then follow up. Itwill be nice hearing from you again.
4. Instead of giving your children a lot of gifts you can't afford and they don't need, spend time with them.Tell the children in your life the story of My birth,and why I came to live with you down here.Hold them in your arms and remind them that I love them.
5. Pick someone that has hurt you in the past andforgive him or her.
6. Did you know that someone in your town will attemptto take their own life this season because they feelso alone and hopeless? Since you don't know who thatperson is, try giving everyone you meet a warm smileit could make the difference. Also, you might considersupporting the local Hot-Line: they talk with peoplelike that every day.
7. Instead of nit picking about what the retailerin your town calls the holiday, be patient with thepeople who work there. Give them a warm smile and akind word. Even if they aren't allowed to wish you a "MerryChristmas" that doesn't keep you from wishing them one.
8. If you really want to make a difference, helpsupport a missionary, especially one who takes My love& Good News to those who have never heard My name.You may already know someone like that.
9. Here's a good one. There are individuals & whole families in your town who not only will have no"Christmas" tree, but neither will they have anypresents to give or receive. If you don't know them(and I suspect you don't) buy some food & a few gifts& give them to the Marines, the Salvation Army or some other charity which believes in Me & they will make the delivery for you. Checks are nice, too.
10. Finally if you want to make a statement about your belief in and loyalty to Me, then behave like a Christian. Don't do things in secret that you wouldn't do in My presence. Let people know by your actions that you are one of mine.

Don't forget to support your church and the peopleand programs there. My house is where my people gather to learn of my grace and mercy. Just love Me & do what I have told you to do.I'll take care of all the rest. I'll help you. And do have a most blessed Christmas with allthose whom you love, and remember ..

I LOVE YOU!Jesus

A Woman Should Have

2009-06-25T04:45:00.000-07:00

..enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own, even if she never wants to or needs to..

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .something perfect to wear if the employer, or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour.

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .a youth she's content to leave behind....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family..

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal, that will make her guests feel honored...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... a feeling of control over her destiny...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...how to fall in love without losing herself..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without; ruining the friendship...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...when to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...that she can't change the length of her calves,the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...that her childhood may not have been perfect..but it's over...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...how to live alone even if she doesn't like it...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.. whom she can trust,whom she can't,and why she shouldn't take it personally...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...where to go...be it to her best friend's kitchen table...or a charming inn in the woods... when her soul needs soothing..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...what she can and can't accomplish in a day...a month...and a year...by Mya Angelou

Worldly Lies We Believe

2009-06-25T04:36:00.000-07:00

from Dr. Chris Thurman's "The Lies we Believe"

Patterns of the World
1.I must be perfect 1John 1:8-9
2.I must have everyone’s love and approval Gal 1:10
3.It is easier to avoid problems than to face them Phil 3:10-12
4.Things have to go my way for me to be happy Phil 4:11-13
5.My unhappiness is externally caused Pro 23:7, Mat 23:27, Ps 139:
6.Life should be easy Rom 8:28, Jn 16:33
7.Life should be fair Ecc 8:14
8.I shouldn’t have to wait for what I want Ecc 2:11, Heb 13:5, Matt 6:19-20
9.People are basically good Gal 5:19-21
10.I often make mountains out of molehills (magnification: molehills are not mountains)
11.I often take things personally ( It’s not always about us)
12.Things are black and white to me ( polarization: there are shades of gray)
13.I often miss the forest for the trees ( selective abstraction: we need to see the whole)
14.The past predicts the future 2 Cor 5:17
15.God’s love can be earned Eph 2:8-9,
16.God hates the sin and the sinner Rom 8:1-2
17.Because I’m a Christian, God will protect me from pain and suffering 1 Pe 4:16, Phil 1:29 18.All of my problems are caused by my sins Jn 9:2-3
19.It is my Christian duty to meet all the needs of others 1 Cor 3:6-7, Matt 11:28-30
20.Painful emotions such as anger, depression and anxiety are signs that my faith in God is weak Jn 11:33-35, Mark 14:32-34, Mark 11:15-16
21.God can’t use me unless I am spiritually strong 2 Cor 12:7-10
22.I often reason things out with my feelings rather than the facts 2 Cor 10:5
23.My marriage problems are my spouse’s fault Mat 7:3
24.If my marriage takes hard work, my spouse and I must not be right for each other 1 Cor 7:28
25.My spouse should meet all my needs Phil 4:19
26.My spouse owes me for what I have done for him/her 1 Pe 5:5
27.I shouldn’t have to change who I am in order to make my marriage better Heb 12:14, Gen 2:24
28.My spouse should be like me 1 Cor 12:18-20

Cat note addendium.....
of Real Truth:To err is human Rom 7:22-23
Virtue lies in the struggle not the prize Phil 3:13
Can’t please everyone Jn 8:29
No gain without pain Rom 5:3-4 James 1:2-4
Reep what you sow Gal 6:7-8Life is difficult Ec 2:22-23
He will Grant you peace (not happiness) Nu 6: 26 , Phil 4:7

i also wonder: if you treat a person how you see him then he will grow into that person If you set the example then it will be learned that way. This hasn't played out in my life but dare I stop believing this and doing it.?

Romans 12:1-2 be a living sacrifice holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiriutal act of worship...do not conform any longer to the pattern of the world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

The good news and the bad news

2009-06-25T04:35:00.000-07:00

God was talking to Adam
He said I have good news and bad news. Adam asked what's the good news?
I am going to give you a penis and a brain.
Great! What's the bad news?
I only gave you enough blood to run one at a time.

For my girlfriends

2009-06-25T04:33:00.000-07:00

It is good to be a woman:
1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
3. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
4. No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo
5. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
6. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
7. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.
8. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
9. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
10. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
11. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.
12. We will never regret piercing our ears.
13. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
14. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway.

John's egg business

2009-06-25T04:30:00.000-07:00

John was in the fertilized egg business.
He had several hundred young layers (hens) called pullets and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs. He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced. This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.

Now, he could sit on the porch And fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells. John's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, could run for cover.

To John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

Think and then Vote carefully, the bells are not always audible.

Ben's Stein's confession worth reading

2009-06-25T04:27:00.000-07:00

The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary.

My confession: I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees, Christmas trees... I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against.

That's what they are: Christmas trees.It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, 'Merry Christmas' to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu. If people want a creche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians.

I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.

Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship celebrities and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where these celebrities came from and where the America we knew went to. In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.

Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her 'How could God let something like this happen?' (regarding Katrina) Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said, 'I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?'In light of recent events... terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found a few years ago) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK. Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.

Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said OK.Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.

Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with 'WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.'

Lyrics to Wherever he aint

2009-06-25T04:23:00.000-07:00

This ninny of a puppet was available the second that he called!
And all he had to do was yell "Hey, Mabel"and this dumb hash slinger crawled!

For (too) many years I've watched him swear and shove and shout"with you or without you"Well it's gonna be without
I gotta give my life some sparkle and fizz
And think a thought that isn't wrapped up in his
The place that I consider paradise isWherever he ain't! Wherever he ain't!

No more to wither when he's grouchy and gruff
No more to listen to him bellow and bluff
Tomorrow morning I'll be strutting my stuff
Wherever he ain't! Wherever he ain't!

It's time for little Nell to rebel
If he's in Heaven, I just might opt for Hell!
I walked behind him like a meek little lamb
And had my fill of his not giving a damn
I'll go to Sydney or Ceylon or Siam Wherever he ain't!

Enough of being bullied and bossed
Ta-ta Auf Wiedersehn and get lost!
My little love nest was a terrible trap
With me behaving like a simpering sap
And so I'm looking for a spot on the map
If he's going southI'm going north
If he's going backI'm going forthWherever he ain't!

cat note: Wherever he aint – Is a title to a song from the musical Mack and Mabel. I wish it could be my rally song but it never could be. You see I have children from him. He’s there father. And he will always be in the picture. Regardless how he behaves.

wish I wrote this

2009-06-25T04:18:00.000-07:00

Dancing With God

When I meditated on the word Guidance, I kept seeing "dance" at the end of the word. I remember reading that doing God's will is a lot like dancing.

When two people try to lead, nothing feels right. The movement doesn't flow with the music, and everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky. When one person realizes that, and lets the other lead, both bodies begin to flow with the music. One gives gentle cues, perhaps with a nudge to the back or by pressing lightly in one direction or another. It's as if two become one body, moving beautifully. The dance takes surrender, willingness, and attentiveness from one person and gentle guidance and skill from the other.

My eyes drew back to the word Guidance. When I saw "G: I thought of God, followed by "u" and "i". "God, "u" and "i" dance." God, you, and I dance. As I lowered my head, I became willing to trust that I would get guidance about my life.

Once again, I became willing to let God lead. My prayer for you today is that God's blessings and mercies be upon you on this day and every day. May you abide in God as God abides in you. Dance together with God, trusting God to lead and to guide you through each season of your life. This prayer is powerful, and there is nothing attached. If God has done anything for you in your life, please share this message with someone else, for prayer is one of the best gifts we can receive.

There is no cost but a lot of rewards; so let's continue to pray for one another. And I Hope You Dance!!!!!!!!

Standing at the door

2009-05-09T17:42:00.000-07:00

I stand by the door.I neither go to far in, nor stay to far out.
The door is the most important door in the world -
It is the door through which men walk when they find God.
There is no use my going way inside and staying there,
When so many are still outside and they, as much as I,Crave to know where the door is.
And all that so many ever find
Is only the wall where the door ought to be.
They creep along the wall like blind men,With outstretched, groping hands,
Feeling for a door, knowing there must be a door,
Yet they never find it.So I stand by the door.
The most tremendous thing in the worldIs for men to find that door - the door to God.
The most important thing that any man can doIs to take hold of one of those blind, groping handsAnd put it on the latch - the latch that only clicksAnd opens to the man's own touch.
Men die outside the door, as starving beggars die
On cold nights in cruel cities in the dead of winter.
Die for want of what is within their grasp.
They live on the other side of it - live because they have not found it.
Nothing else matters compared to helping them find it,
And open it, and walk in, and find Him.
So I stand by the door.Go in great saints; go all the way in -
Go way down into the cavernous cellars,
And way up into the spacious attics.
It is a vast, roomy house, this house where God is.
Go into the deepest of hidden casements,
Of withdrawal, of silence, of sainthood.Some must inhabit those inner rooms
And know the depths and heights of God,
And call outside to the rest of us how wonderful it is.
Sometimes I take a deeper look in.
Sometimes venture in a little farther,
But my place seems closer to the opening.So I stand by the door.
There is another reason why I stand there.
Some people get part way in and become afraid
Lest God and the zeal of His house devour them;
For God is so very great and asks all of us.
And these people feel a cosmic claustrophobiaAnd want to get out. 'Let me out!' they cry.
And the people way inside only terrify them more.
Somebody must be by the door to tell them that they are spoiled.
For the old life, they have seen too much:One taste of God and nothing but God will do any more.
Somebody must be watching for the frightened
Who seek to sneak out just where they came in,
To tell them how much better it is inside.
The people too far in do not see how near these are
To leaving - preoccupied with the wonder of it all.
Somebody must watch for those who have entered the door
But would like to run away.
So for them too,I stand by the door.
I admire the people who go way in.
But I wish they would not forget how it wasBefore they got in.
Then they would be able to help
The people who have not yet even found the door.
Or the people who want to run away again from God.
You can go in too deeply and stay in too long
And forget the people outside the door.
As for me, I shall take my old accustomed place,
Near enough to God to hear Him and know He is there,
But not so far from men as not to hear them,
And remember they are there too.
Where? Outside the door -
Thousands of them. Millions of them.
But - more important for me -One of them, two of them, ten of them.
Whose hands I am intended to put on the latch.
So I shall stand by the door and waitFor those who seek it.'I had rather be a door-keeper
So I stand by the door. By Sam Shepard

2009-05-09T17:40:00.000-07:00

I only wear red shoes, have for over 6 years now. There have been some lean years when red shoes weren’t in great demand so I resorted to having at least some kind of red depicted on the shoe. Maroon and orangie red count. But not pink. Fortunately we are not in such desperate shopping times currently. To try to understand why red much less shoes you could google it for more information than you want to know.
Red is the color of energy, vitality and power. People wear red shoes for a richer more exciting life. Feng Shui proponents say it carries divine energy and can be both destructive and creative. It is considered a passionate, rich celebratory color. At Chinese New Year celebrations people wear red clothes, decorate with poems on red paper, and give children "lucky money" in red envelopes. Red symbolizes fire, which according to legend can drive away bad luck. Red is the color for cupid and sometimes Devilish behavior. Red denotes power, hence the red power tie for business people and the red carpet for celebrities and VIPs . Flashing red lights denote danger or emergency. Stop signs and stop lights are red to get the drivers' attention and alert them to the dangers of the intersection. In other cultures (like India and Korea), red denotes purity, joy, and celebration. You can use the color red to grab attention and to get people to take action. Use red when you don't want to fade into the background. You can use red to suggest speed combined with confidence and even a dash of danger. I never realized what a paradox the color of red is but then so is my life.
The negative things about red is more than balanced out with the positive making things interesting. I have learned a little bit of red goes a long way. I like to match my clothes to my shoes (or is it vice versa?). I can tell when I am completely dressed in red that it is too strong, over powering for some people. I read once that red is the new black and it goes with everything!
Then there are the red shoe stories: the Wizard of Oz and Hans Christian Anderson Red Shoes fable. Each with different story themes. Being from Kansas, its no surprise I prefer the Oz version of red shoes. The Wizard of Oz is full of allegories. The shoes represent the "inner spark" within all of us. When the good witch Glinda instructs Dorothy never to take off the ruby slippers, she is telling Dorothy never to lose her inner spark. In this New Age interpretation, it suggests that the ruby slippers represent a person's principles. "Keeping tight inside your shoes" means never losing sight of those principles. The ruby slippers can transport you to home (or anywhere for that matter). I don’t collect Oz things or anything else; guess you could say I collect red shoes (reread paragraph one about the lean years). I eventually get around to wearing all of them. And besides, just for the record, I have more books on the shelf that I have read then shoes in my closet (s).
So why do I only wear red shoes? Partly for all of the above but mostly because of my hair. I decided to quit coloring my hair to hide the grey so it is a'la natural (there comes a point ladies that you have to choose between a life time of perming or coloring , I chose the former). Graying hair can be sombering. The red shoes distract me from that and other bouts of depression that crop up. Red lifts my spirits. That’s really why I wear red shoes.

Well its a start anyway!

2009-04-26T15:29:00.000-07:00

Hey! And Greetings!

I am so exhausted. First, I thought cool I'll start a blog. My daughter has one and she encouraged me to do the same. So I obviously joined the ranks of countless others.

I did the "about me" thing first. I'll let you read it. It explains why I am exhausted. By the way I highly recommend: http://www.lettercount.com/! I want you to know I met the required amount after much annoyance.

So I can declare victory and call it a day.