(A friend sent me a forward early one morning that was a real feel good. Here’s my personalize version of it.)
I would never trade the amazing friends I've come to see in recent years, my life, or my great kids for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I’m learning to become kinder to myself, and even less critical of myself. I’m learning to become my own friend since the empty nest. I don't chide myself for drinking that second glass of wine, or for not making my bed, or for buying another pair of red shoes that I don’t need. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant. I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon sometimes by death sometimes mentally; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.
Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM then slip a nap in later in the day? And if I want I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60 &70's, sing (really bad) out loud, zip around a little too fast on country roads in my mini cooper with the music playing so loud that it's beat bounces against my body that sits on heated seats with the A.C. blowing and if I am so move, late at night cry over lost love or imagined love or love never given a chance to grow ... then I will.
I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over my body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the youthful or judging people.
I would never trade the amazing friends I've come to see in recent years, my life, or my great kids for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I’m learning to become kinder to myself, and even less critical of myself. I’m learning to become my own friend since the empty nest. I don't chide myself for drinking that second glass of wine, or for not making my bed, or for buying another pair of red shoes that I don’t need. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant. I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon sometimes by death sometimes mentally; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.
Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM then slip a nap in later in the day? And if I want I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60 &70's, sing (really bad) out loud, zip around a little too fast on country roads in my mini cooper with the music playing so loud that it's beat bounces against my body that sits on heated seats with the A.C. blowing and if I am so move, late at night cry over lost love or imagined love or love never given a chance to grow ... then I will.
I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over my body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the youthful or judging people.
They, too, will get old.
I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things. I have become both near and far sighted, but then I don’t want to see everything so succinctly as I once did. The flaws aren't so obvious anymore. If I'm conservative now it is because I have something to conserve.
Over the years my heart has been broken and then patched back together. How can your heart not break when you lose a father, or a very young brother, or when any child suffers, or the love of your life walks away, or when your kid greatly disappoints you by taking the easy way out or even when a beloved pet dies? And I would miss the joy of love with all its twitter-patted-ness. So I continue to risk love, hoping again. Broken hearts are what give us strength, understanding, empathy and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine, sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect. Nor experience mercy and grace.
I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turn gray (making the right chemical choice between either going natural and not coloring it or use chemicals to make my fine hair bend). I have lived just long enough to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face along side those from chronic physical pain that I manage. So many have never laughed or won't, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver, or tinsel (like that hung on the Christmas tree) as my young friend says.
As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You learn to care less about what other people think. Or if the grandbabies are being spoiled. Or bratty.
I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things. I have become both near and far sighted, but then I don’t want to see everything so succinctly as I once did. The flaws aren't so obvious anymore. If I'm conservative now it is because I have something to conserve.
Over the years my heart has been broken and then patched back together. How can your heart not break when you lose a father, or a very young brother, or when any child suffers, or the love of your life walks away, or when your kid greatly disappoints you by taking the easy way out or even when a beloved pet dies? And I would miss the joy of love with all its twitter-patted-ness. So I continue to risk love, hoping again. Broken hearts are what give us strength, understanding, empathy and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine, sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect. Nor experience mercy and grace.
I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turn gray (making the right chemical choice between either going natural and not coloring it or use chemicals to make my fine hair bend). I have lived just long enough to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face along side those from chronic physical pain that I manage. So many have never laughed or won't, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver, or tinsel (like that hung on the Christmas tree) as my young friend says.
As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You learn to care less about what other people think. Or if the grandbabies are being spoiled. Or bratty.
I’m learning not to question myself so much anymore, trusting my gut more.
I've even earned the right to be wrong. To be too generous.
Lest you think I am being too much of a romantic about this, I'll let you know I watch the effects of agedness every day in my mother, who lives with me for assisted care. She is 84 and declining mentally. I work at keeping her pain free and healthy. We aren't particularly close, never were. Nor are we demonstrative in our affections. She prefers my home to a community nursing center. She wants to die but her body won't give up on her. I'm not sure how much she is retaining as depression is her constant companion. That and tv. And I'm not sure how long I can keep her in my home safely? So I just give her all the best of my material possessions as I can and find the best care we can afford. It doesn't frighten me to watch her decline just have the feeling of helplessness when I can't fix her aging body. I once thought she isn't a very life giving person to be around but she really is in her way, if not by contrast. I appreciate life now more than ever watching what could come at the end of my own. Its just like I did in my younger years making alternative choices in raising the family I birthed then what I experienced in the family I born. Meanwhile I am taking some preventive measures like exercising my body, mind and spirit more; trying to seize and live in the moment yet within the confines I find myself by caring for her. And hope someone cares for me when it's my time. If not, I probably won't notice anyhow in my advanced agedness! And then there is the hope of Heaven just around the corner.
So, to answer the question, I like getting older. It’s setting me free. I like the person I am becoming outside of that being a daughter, sister, mother, nana and once wife. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting for too long what could have been. I will continue to whittle down my worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day (if I feel like it) sometimes before the entree like I let my kids do when they were young as part of our vacations.
So, to answer the question, I like getting older. It’s setting me free. I like the person I am becoming outside of that being a daughter, sister, mother, nana and once wife. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting for too long what could have been. I will continue to whittle down my worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day (if I feel like it) sometimes before the entree like I let my kids do when they were young as part of our vacations.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Common courtesy and respect, combined with a basic sense of right and wrong, dictates that you not use any of the written webblogs for any purpose without my permission.
I do not condone deflamatory remarks, gossip, foul language or lewd remarks. The latter doesn't reflect my belief principales or outlook (although i have been known to swear). Such mentioned remarks distract from your comment.