being invisible

As my ex- husband deserted me after 32 years of marriage and the last of four children left, I felt like everyone flew the coup or nest at once.  I of course felt rejected by my ex.  I continue to.  We didnt argue too much  before the divorce, I was too much in shock and he very contemplative; now we have post divorce misunderstandings (read alimony amount) three years later.  He doesnt talk to me.  It is what I call writing a person out of the book of life.  He's moved on, married his mistress.   Our young adult children each deal with the divorce in as many different ways as their are different in personalty, not all healthy.  Then this past year, three of our four got married in six months, the outstanding one already married with two children.  I started to feel what the below video so eloquently puts, feeling the invisibility stronger now more than ever.  I felt unappreciated and very hurt by the sacrifices I was making for the kids and their weddings, yet the kindnesses and care wasnt recipicated.  I thought I had raised them better.  Oh I forgive them, that's what moms do; loves her children no matter what. Sometimes I hear the apologies in their tones without them saying the words, I hear them hurting, struggling, confused without them expressing it.  A dear friend sent me the following,  reminding me of what I already knew all those years raising the kids, called into ministry, just being a woman.


http://mail.aol.com/32644-111/affinity-6/en-us/mail/get-attachment.aspx?uid=40078463&folder=Inbox&partId=3&saveAs=TheInvisibleWoman.wmv

Church volunteers: an oxymoran

Following is my response to a provoking blog by Michele Van Loon on the Her.Meneutics.com (http://blog.christianitytoday.com/women/2010/07/church_volunteers_an_oxymoron.html):

Well put!  I served (volunteered) at my church for a majority of my life and found, that event though I walked my talked to His glory, I wasnt always found credible in the eyes of the paid staff.  Over and over again, in transitioning to a new ministry, I felt like I had to prove myself again to gain trust to accomplish the task.  I felt more than equipped to do the ministry God called me to do at the time.   I felt invigorated, passionate, excite...however my perception was I hadnt gained the confidence of my church colleagues (paid and unpaid) of the given staff people.  Fortunately God Blesses me with some of the same fellow believers (majority unpaid and the pastor's support) who walk along side me in different ministries, some done previously under the auspices of a volunteer.

I decided to get credentialed within the church (read undergraduate and masters degree) because as I get older I realized I didnt have the luxury of 2 to 5 years to prove myself in any given position of service each time.  I thought if I was credential in ministry that I could down on that 2 to 5 year acceptance period.  I'm not getting any younger.  I serve at my church (the same one which I previously volunteered) now as paid staff.  The transition the staff has from viewing me as an unpaid to paid (except for the pastor) has been difficult.  I serve in an average size church (250 attendees) and my salary is more benevolent than financially sustaining.  This career I have been called to is faith based in more ways than one.

I specialize in outreach events and in spiritual gifts, conducting such SG inventories as part of my job.  I try to help other believers find their perfect fit in the body.  I understand the consequences of burn out and guilting people into lay ministry positions.  I do not like the using the word "assimilate" found in such inventories in regards to assisting people in find a place of service in the church.  My current word of choice for such is to harmonize and even that doesnt quite describe a persons place in the body of the church.

I realize if God calls you to do something, you dont have necessarily be academically credentialed.  He will equip the called.  But the analogy made between blue (unpaid/volunteers) and white (paid/staff) workers in the church is very accurate in terms of how that person is treated.  With god's grace and mercy, my prayer is that the church body will realize the body of the church is not like the business organizations of the secular world.

The Ben's toast off

Rehearsal Wedding toast

The Day after your wedding is the first day of Spring, a wonderful day to begin as husband and wife.

A day representing a new beginning, a new chapter in your life and the close of a chapter for us your parents.

Jen I love you and you have exceeded my prayers all these years said for Buck for his mate.

B, like your signature block:  Life is an open book, dont close it till its over, now you two are the authors.

May the Lord bless you and keep you, Shine His countenance on you and give you His peace.


May the best of your yesterdays be the worse of your tomorrows.

May what you wish for be the least of what you get.

May you never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.

May you be friends as lovers can and may you love each other as only best friends can.

Riley and Grandpa

"Riley and I had spent the day together watching a cartoon moving in the morning and then went to the Cog Railway in Colorado Springs to take the train up to Pikes Peak.  I purchased box lunches to eat on the train, which of course included a prize in his.  As we were climbing the mountain, I got a pair of binoculars from my pack and gave them to Riley to use on the ride.  I told him he  could take them  home and keep them when the ride was over.  I had also brought a large package of M&M's which were sparingly distributed a few at a time during the trip.  A some point during the ride, Riley turned to me and said,  "Grandpa, when I grow up, I want to be a Grandpa."  told by Grandpa Jerry P.

God always provides....

Security

Security can only be achieved through constant change, through discarding old ideas that have outlived their usefulness and adapting others to current facts.  William Douglas

the Trinity

For me, when I pray I like to visualize the Triune God.

God as my Abba Father
Jesus as Lord, Savior and healer
and the Holy Spirit who husbands me

We are Indispensable as family

"No one is indispensable or irreplaceable at work... Anyone from the lowliest yardworker to the highest executive, could easily be replaced and few tears would be shed. The most important position in the U.S. - the presidency - is rotated every four years with little mourning. But try replacing a son or daughter, a mother or father, a husband or wife without grave psychological damage. For it's in our homes that we are needed; it's to our family that we are important." -- W. Peter Blitchington